Oh Dear

I'm not sure about this whole blogging thing. I was flipping through some other blogs and now I have this unbelievably empty feeling, like I want so much to be loved that I can't let my self feel anything at all. It's that familiar repression; I admit that I can't handle emotions, so I set out to stop feeling them. I pretend that I hate things that I can't have but it's not the things themselves that I hate but the sadness I feel from wanting them so much. And that makes me hate myself, for being so weak.
I thought for a long time that there was Nothing at my core, but maybe I just want there to be nothing, so I push everything away, and let my self float in the cavity I've created, and call that peace. Maybe Mike's right; maybe I am broken.